The news of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade taking their life in the same month just days apart shocked the public. Their outside persona appeared to have it all. An adoring public, fame, money, partners and children. However, even the closest loved ones were completely surprised. How can this be? Partially, it may be that we believe we know the “signs” of suicide that everyone has heard before. The person that constantly talks about killing themselves, giving their possessions away, being very, very depressed and despondent.
However, according to Jack Klott, suicidologist, the warning signs are actually very different from the common conceptions of suicide. The profile of people who actually complete suicide are white males age 15-55 and 65 and older in rural areas. They live alone and are unemployed. 70% commit the act by firearms or hanging. They are not interested in therapy and make no attempt to communicate their suicidal thoughts. They visit a primary care physician within six weeks of the suicide and do not want anyone to change their minds. They may even go out of their way to develop a plan to throw loved one off track when they plan to commit the act. The states that have the highest rate of suicide are: Alaska, Montana, New Mexico, Wyoming, Nevada, Colorado, West Virginia, Arizona, Oregon and Kentucky making the top ten. Most of these states also have the highest guns per household rates.
People who cut, slash or burn themselves have no correlation to suicide. These behaviors that bring varied levels of pain to the body are for the purpose of relief from psychological or physical discomfort. Most people who think about suicide or threaten suicide as an alternative to life have much less risk of actually completing the act. They usually are very open about suicidal thoughts, ambivalent about wanting to die and actively seek counseling. They have an excellent prognosis for recovery.
How to help? Know the correct warning signs. An interesting phenomena occurs six days before the person will complete the act of suicide. There is an “Amazing Reversal”. There is suddenly peace and calm a dramatic change from the six weeks preceding suicide. There is a design to avoid detection and they repeatedly deny the need for help. The two most important questions you can ask a person who you believe maybe suicidal are: Where do you hurt? How can I help you? Try to design a safety plan with the person to make sure they are being checked on by friends and loved ones. Give them the number to the suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255. Gently suggest that they get themselves in to therapy.
-Barbara Allyn Barry, M.S.Ed.,LFMT